When's the last time you and your hubs went out on a date? I'm not talking about taking the kids out to dinner, or hanging with a group of friends. I'm talking some one on one, kid free, friend free, quality husband and wife time. You are probably thinking to yourself, too DAMN long.
In June, Ken and I had a long overdue staycation. 24 kid free, glorious hours, all to ourselves. It was a chance for us to relax, unwind and get to know each other again. It may sound silly but I swear there are days we are so busy we barely have time to talk to each other.
When you have 2 kids under 4 your day probably sounds like this:
6:00 am - (if you are lucky) - oldest child bursts through your bedroom door begging to go downstairs for milk and cartoons. Little brother isn't too far behind. You proceed to get both boys fed and dressed, break up about a million fights while changing the TV channel about 100 times because oldest child 'doesn't like that show.' You throw yourself together and *maybe* make it out of the door on time for work. Work a full day. Sit in traffic FOREVER. Walk through the door at 6:00pm, if you are lucky. Eat dinner, feed kids, bathe kids, read books. Start bed time at 7:30. Says prayers 10 times because you didn't say it right the first through 9th time. Walk oldest child back to his bed 100 times. If you are lucky, both kids are actually asleep by 8:30. Then you shower, brush your teeth and collapse on the couch for *maybe* an hour of silence before you get up and do it all over again. Sometimes you have to plug back in for work, or maybe sometimes you actually sit down and write your blog. Rewind. Repeat. Over and over again until you finally make it to the weekend. Maybe then you will find time to actually talk to your spouse.
11 years ago we chose to start our lives in California. While I love where we have laid our roots, it also means having Grandma stop by to watch the kids on short notice for a spontaneous date night, is not an option. We are lucky enough to have grandparents that love to visit, but when they are here, we want to spend time with them too, not just ditch our kids with grandma and grandpa and peace out. Bottom line is, date nights for us have to be planned way in advance to secure a sitter.
We also have a great group of friends. Talk about #squadgoals. Our crew here is tight. We are so lucky that they are all in the same stages of our life: buying our first house, building careers, and starting families. They are also a super fun crew so it's a no brainer that we want to hang out with them all the time. It's especially nice to have an adult conversation over an adult beverage without little children interrupting you. I started to realize that while we weren't going out very often, we were only getting a sitter to go out with our friends. It's like we needed an excuse to get a sitter: it's so-and-so's birthday or Cody's playing tonight at Saddlebar. Trust me those nights are so fun (and needed), but it usually ends up like a Junior High dance. Girls on one side, boys on the other. But instead of talking about which hottie standing on the other side of the gym we wanted to kiss, we are talking about potty training and preschool. By the end of the night I'd realize again, I had barely spoken to my own husband. It was a fun night out, but we weren't getting much one on one, Kate and Ken time.
That's when we realized we needed to make an effort to feed our own relationship - not wait for a reason to go out, but make a reason. So we pulled the trigger on a last minute, for no reason night away. It was 100% amazing. We got massages. We laid by the pool. We lunched. We drank. We took a 2 hour nap. We pushed back our dinner reservations, twice. We slept in. Went for a run on the beach. We had a long breakfast. We shopped around Del Mar like tourists. The whole time, we talked. We talked about the life we had built. How far we had come since we started dating 13 years ago. We talked about our kids, our jobs. We talked about our dreams, how we wanted to raise our kids, vacations we wanted to plan, rental properties we wanted to buy. We aligned on our goals for the next stages of our life. After another long walk along the beach we hopped in the car and drove home. We left rested, refreshed and ready to tackle 2 kids and the next stage of life.
I'll never forget on our 15 minute drive home, Ken turned to me and said, "I really enjoyed getting to know you again this weekend." I just smiled and said "ditto" It really felt like I was dating my husband all over again, in a good way. It was a great chance for us to remember why we fell in love in the first place. And after 2 kids and 9 years of marriage, we still were just two college kids who genuinely enjoyed each others company. After we got home that day, I noticed we were a bit nicer to each other. There were a few more "honeys" and sweet glances across the room. There was a lot more patience in the house that following week. I'm not saying our marriage is perfect. In fact, it's not. But I will say we get out what we put in. Sometimes in the choas of raising two littles and managing 2 careers, we lose track of ourselves and our relationship. That weekend away reminded us how important it is to feed our relationship. Ever since that weekend we've made an effort once a month to get out and do something, just the two of us. While we can't afford a 24 hour getaway every month, we make it a priority to go out and do something fun. You know like a Guns n' Roses concert or a night out for the best sushi in town. Just remember you get out what you put in.
In celebration of our 9th anniversary today, we booked our 10 year anniversary trip to Italy. The trip we planned on our staycation. Happy Anniversary, Ken. It looks like you're stuck with me for at least another year.