Date Your Husband

When's the last time you and your hubs went out on a date?   I'm not talking about taking the kids out to dinner, or hanging with a group of friends.  I'm talking some one on one, kid free, friend free, quality husband and wife time.  You are probably thinking to yourself, too DAMN long.

In June, Ken and I had a long overdue staycation.   24 kid free, glorious hours, all to ourselves.   It was a chance for us to relax, unwind and get to know each other again.    It may sound silly but I swear there are days we are so busy we barely have time to talk to each other.

When you have 2 kids under 4 your day probably sounds like this:

6:00 am - (if you are lucky) - oldest child bursts through your bedroom door begging to go downstairs for milk and cartoons.  Little brother isn't too far behind.  You proceed to get both boys fed and dressed, break up about a million fights while changing the TV channel about 100 times because oldest child 'doesn't like that show.'    You throw yourself together and *maybe* make it out of the door on time for work.   Work a full day.  Sit in traffic FOREVER.  Walk through the door at 6:00pm, if you are lucky.  Eat dinner, feed kids, bathe kids, read books.  Start bed time at 7:30. Says prayers 10 times because you didn't say it right the first through 9th time.  Walk oldest child back to his bed 100 times.   If you are lucky, both kids are actually asleep by 8:30.  Then you shower, brush your teeth and collapse on the couch for *maybe* an hour of silence before you get up and do it all over again. Sometimes you have to plug back in for work, or maybe sometimes you actually sit down and write your blog.  Rewind. Repeat. Over and over again until you finally make it to the weekend. Maybe then you will find time to actually talk to your spouse.

11 years ago we chose to start our lives in California.  While I love where we have laid our roots, it also means having Grandma stop by to watch the kids on short notice for a spontaneous date night, is not an option.  We are lucky enough to have grandparents that love to visit, but when they are here, we want to spend time with them too, not just ditch our kids with grandma and grandpa and peace out.  Bottom line is, date nights for us have to be planned way in advance to secure a sitter.

We also have a great group of friends.  Talk about #squadgoals.  Our crew here is tight.   We are so lucky that they are all in the same stages of our life: buying our first house, building careers, and starting families.  They are also a super fun crew so it's a no brainer that we want to hang out with them all the time.  It's especially nice to have an adult conversation over an adult beverage without little children interrupting you.  I started to realize that while we weren't going out very often, we were only getting a sitter to go out with our friends.  It's like we needed an excuse to get a sitter: it's so-and-so's birthday or Cody's playing tonight at Saddlebar. Trust me those nights are so fun (and needed), but it usually ends up like a Junior High dance.  Girls on one side, boys on the other.  But instead of talking about which hottie standing on the other side of the gym we wanted to kiss, we are talking about potty training and preschool.  By the end of the night I'd realize again, I had barely spoken to my own husband.   It was a fun night out, but we weren't getting much one on one, Kate and Ken time.  

That's when we realized we needed to make an effort to feed our own relationship - not wait for a reason to go out, but make a reason.  So we pulled the trigger on a last minute, for no reason night away.  It was 100% amazing.   We got massages. We laid by the pool. We lunched. We drank. We took a 2 hour nap.  We pushed back our dinner reservations, twice.  We slept in.  Went for a run on the beach.  We had a long breakfast.  We shopped around Del Mar like tourists.  The whole time, we talked.  We talked about the life we had built.  How far we had come since we started dating 13 years ago.   We talked about our kids, our jobs.   We talked about our dreams, how we wanted to raise our kids, vacations we wanted to plan, rental properties we wanted to buy.  We aligned on our goals for the next stages of our life.  After another long walk along the beach we hopped in the car and drove home.  We left rested, refreshed and ready to tackle 2 kids and the next stage of life.

Hello Staycation!

Plenty of pool time!

Morning walk on the beach

Saki House Sushi

This is how we roll to GNR

Guns N Roses!

GNR BABY

I'll never forget on our 15 minute drive home, Ken turned to me and said, "I really enjoyed getting to know you again this weekend."   I just smiled and said "ditto"   It really felt like I was dating my husband all over again, in a good way.  It was a great chance for us to remember why we fell in love in the first place.  And after 2 kids and 9 years of marriage, we still were just two college kids who genuinely enjoyed each others company.  After we got home that day, I noticed we were a bit nicer to each other.  There were a few more "honeys" and sweet glances across the room.   There was a lot more patience in the house that following week.  I'm not saying our marriage is perfect.  In fact, it's not.  But I will say we get out what we put in.  Sometimes in the choas of raising two littles and managing 2 careers, we lose track of ourselves and our relationship.   That weekend away reminded us how important it is to feed our relationship.  Ever since that weekend we've made an effort once a month to get out and do something, just the two of us.  While we can't afford a 24 hour getaway every month, we make it a priority to go out and do something fun.  You know like a Guns n' Roses concert or a night out for the best sushi in town.  Just remember you get out what you put in.  

In celebration of our 9th anniversary today, we booked our 10 year anniversary trip to Italy.  The trip we planned on our staycation.  Happy Anniversary, Ken.  It looks like you're stuck with me for at least another year. 

#BOYMOM

Last weekend I found myself at Children's hospital in the ER and unfortunately, this was not my first rodeo.    As a mom of 2 wild boys, I've come to accept I will probably end up in the ER more frequently than I would like.  I've also come to realize that no matter how I try to tame the beasts, boys truly will be boys.  Boy Moms - I know you feel me.  If you aren't a mother of a boy then let me give you the 101 on living with little boys.   

Little boys think burps and farts are funny.

Not just funny; hilarious.  My 17 month old cracks up anytime he hears a fart or burp.  He can hear them from a mile away.  How does he even know what a fart is?   That little stinker won't say "mama" but he knows what a fart is!?  He will try to push out a fart until his face turns red just to make his brother laugh.  My 3 year old?  Same thing.  He walks around rubbing his butt on you, then says "toot" and will die laughing about it.  It does not matter how many times I say "that's not funny" or "I don't like that word, it's not polite" those two turds still walk around burping and farting like it's their business.  Kam once tried to toot so hard he actually sharted.   I kid you not.   His face was priceless.  "Mom, what's that in my pants?!"   "I don't know Kam, what is it?"   He pulls down his pants and sure as sh#t, there was a turd.   For real!?  Not exactly how I envisioned motherhood.  I was more picturing tea parties and spa days with princesses, not turd dropping fart machines!

Ain't no mountain high enough - boys are fearless.

Seriously, no one told me that boys literally climb the walls.  It's like they see everything as a challenge.  If I could read their minds I'm sure they'd be saying something like "I bet I could climb that mountain over there"   My oldest climbed out of his crib at 20 months... 20 freaking months!  Oh, and he broke his arm doing it.  Hence my first trip to the ER.   Have you ever seen a 20 month old with a cast?   Well, here you go. 

It makes you feel like a real a$shole parent when you take them out in public.  The looks, stares and questions are enough to make your skin crawl until you see another boy mom, then you just connect eyes and give that 'I feel ya' look.  We had to transition Kam to a big boy bed right away because even with a cast on his little arm, he was still trying to climb out of the crib.  It didn't slow him down one bit.  He was hanging off the monkey bars cast and all.  A few months later, Kam busted his front tooth in a freak accident by falling into Max's baby swing.  No big deal though, because he will get another one.... IN FIVE YEARS!!!   Sigh.   

My second kid is even worse.  He watches everything his brother does and thinks he can do it better. Max was jumping off the couch as soon as he could walk.  He can scale a bar stool to climb on top of our hip-high kitchen table in 2.2 seconds.  Max started going head first down the tallest slide at the park at 12 months. He can even ride his brother's scooter.   Have you ever seen a 17 month old ride a scooter?  It's wild... like circus show crazy.  I also have to admit, it's pretty damn cute.  

The point is, boys are born without fear, at least mine were.   My friends who have little girls are so careful and cautious.  They delicately step off the curb carefully holding their mommy's hands while my boys are launching off the sidewalk into on coming traffic.  Lord help me.  

Little boys have no manners, I mean NO manners.

When Kam walks into the house he kicks his shoes off, flinging them against the wall as hard as he can.  Then he leaves them where they land and plops his butt down on the couch.  His little friend Mila carefully unbuckles her shoes and neatly places them in their proper spot by our front door.  When my boys eat, their food ends up on the ceiling.  Miss Mila, is prim and proper.  She uses her fork and spoon like a normal person.  If by some chance she spills on her clothes, she freaks out.  If my boys don't spill on themselves at a meal, it's a freaking miracle!  I used to totally judge those parents at the stores who's kids were a hot mess with crusty shirts and chocolate on their faces.  Now I am one of those moms who unapologetically takes her crusty faced kid in public because you know what, no matter how many times I wipe their faces off as soon as I turn around, there is sh#t on it again.  So guess what, I give up.  Judge away.  The other day I caught Kam picking his nose on the couch.  I told him to stop and I would get a Kleenex.  By the time I got back to the couch with a tissue Kam told me he didn't need a tissue any more.   I asked here where the booger was.  He simply said "I don't know but I didn't fling it, Mom"    Disgusting. 

Boys will pee anywhere. I mean anywhere.  I've watched Kam whip it out on the tree at a park, drop his pants and pee into a wave at the beach, and even pee on my bushes outside our front door.  I mean the house is RIGHT THERE.   You literally have to walk 10 more feet and you can pee in a toilet like a normal person.  

My boys have also taught me a thing or two along the way.  I now know that mouths and ears bleed the most.  Bruce Banner, Tony Stark and Peter Parker are no longer strangers but regular topics of our dinner conversation.  I've had to create a mnemonic device to remember the teenage mutant ninja turtles by color.   Oroku Saki is Shredder's real name.  I've never seen a Star Wars movie but I can have a light saber fight with the best of them.  I now know the difference between a loader, a dozer and a backhoe and that Monster Jam is really THE JAM. We took the boys to their first Monster truck rally last month and it was literally one of the best nights we've ever had as a family.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be whooping it up over some big, loud trucks jumping over large piles of dirt, but let me tell you something...  it was RAD and so are little boys.

The bottom line is, I'm trying people, I really am.   I believe all little boys should grow up to be gentlemen.   I still have hope that someday they will.   They certainly have their moments.  Like when I walk down the stairs before work and Kam looks up at me and says "Mommy you look pretty, is that a new dress?" or the moments when Max looks up at me with mac n cheese on his face and wants to give me a big sloppy kiss.  It's those moments that melt my heart, and give me hope.  Hope that they won't always be fart obsessed little boys.